I like Road House. I know you do too. You like it in that overtly ironic, “it’s so bad, it’s laughably good” kind of way. As a conniseur of film, and again, I stress the word film, I like Road House on a much more cerebral, humanistic level. You have to understand, Patrick “the Swayz” Swayze isn’t just a tough-as-nails cooler hardened by a lifetime of barroom brawls. He’s also a deep thinking student of philosophy, with the discipline to maintain his perfectly toned and perpetually oiled body through a rigorous diet of black coffee, Marlboro Reds, and Tai-Chi.
Continue reading ‘10 Best Road House Quotes Excluding, “Pain don’t hurt,” “A polar bear fell on me,” and “I used to fuck guys like you in prison.”’
This is Bradley W. Cavanaugh:
AKA Chad Sexington
Ol’ Brad is wanted in Wichita, Kansas for felony theft. Although the wanted poster doesn’t say, and I’m no Columbo, I have a pretty good idea what he has stolen.
Continue reading ‘J’accuse!’
Apparently, Destiny's Child didn't break up soon enough.
Apparently bootylicious is now part of the broken down, idiotic patois we once referred to as the English Language. I wish I could be around 1,000 years from now when those robot aliens who that let that pothead cyborg Haley Joel Osment spend one more day with his yuppie pretend mommy (that wasp bitch) come back to Earth to try to learn about our civilization and find shit like this. I still wish I was bootylicious, though.
This little “technical difficulty” will be addressed
Please Eat a Dick
I bought The Godfather collection on the Blu-ray Hi Definition HDDVD.com 2.0 what that also vacuums my living room floor while I’m passed out on the couch. I was so excited to buy it. Firstly, because it’s expensive and it only works on other expensive consumer electronics, and that sends a message to people I don’t know. That message is, “Hey, look at me. I like to buy expensive things. Love me.” Secondly, it’s a great film and I stress the word film. I love great films. I appreciate only great films. Why, I spend most my days at home enjoying fine cinema and showing how smart I am in appreciating them on various message boards on the internet. Fine films such as 300, The Dark Knight, and The Matrix all share a treasured place in my heart and in my film library, neatly tucked away with care and love on my vast shelves of only the finest cinema.
That’s why I was shocked at what I found when I finally got away to opening The Godfather collection, I dunno, like a week or two after I bought it. Continue reading ‘Dear Francis Ford Coppola, Sony, and Best Buy’
The Weather Channel must have given all its foxy meteorologists the holiday off, because there were absolutely no forecast videos featuring the lovely ladies of weather.com this xmas week. Rather than break with my non-existent tradition of arbitrarily reviewing the screen caps of the women in the daily forecast videos each week, I’m going after the dudes this time. These mucho-macho men of meteorology have the chutzpa to deliver a 10-day forecast with unparalleled accuracy, and their fiery-hot passion will make you forget all about the Wind Chill Factor in your area. So, ladies, this one’s for you, and remember, they can’t all be winners.
Continue reading ‘The Girls of Weather.com — Sausage Edition’
