The Weather Channel must have given all its foxy meteorologists the holiday off, because there were absolutely no forecast videos featuring the lovely ladies of weather.com this xmas week. Rather than break with my non-existent tradition of arbitrarily reviewing the screen caps of the women in the daily forecast videos each week, I’m going after the dudes this time. These mucho-macho men of meteorology have the chutzpa to deliver a 10-day forecast with unparalleled accuracy, and their fiery-hot passion will make you forget all about the Wind Chill Factor in your area. So, ladies, this one’s for you, and remember, they can’t all be winners.
Continue reading ‘The Girls of Weather.com — Sausage Edition’
Here’s to you, girls of weather.com. With a dazed, slack-jaw expression (or as I pronounce it, ‘spresssion), an off-the-rack wardrobe that usually fits, and exaggerated hand movements, you are single-handedly bringing sexy back.
In what I hope to be a weekly update, I’m going to review selected weather “personalities” based solely on the screen capture image on the Weather Channel homepage. Is it arbitrary? Most definitely. Will it be funny? Probably not. Will I actually update it every week? Not a chance.
Continue reading ‘The Girls of Weather.com’
Nicotine and caffeine go together like America and apple pie, so it’s kind of a wonder that those fat-cat ad wizards on Madison Avenue took so long to come up with a product that combines the two. Behold, the Commit Cappuccino nicotine lozenge. Every time I try to quit the cancer sticks (which is about once a month — don’t you judge me), I opt for the Commit lozenges because:
A.) They are like candy, and everyone likes candy. I know I do.
B.) They’re not as gross as half-chewed gum that you let sit in between your gums and your cheek like some soggy wad of Wrigley’s with nicotine.
C.) They’re not as bizarrely unwholesome as some clear patch you stick on your arm or back. I don’t get patches. They divorce your from the amazing compulsive oral fixation that cigarettes provide.
Continue reading ‘Product Review: Commit Cappuccino Nicotine Candy’
I drink. A lot. Take however much you drink, multiply it by a really high number — say, your age — and that should give you a modest idea of how many drinks I’ve had while writing this post. The other thing I do when I’m out drinking is pee, also a lot. In fact, I would say I spend as much time in the bathroom at a bar as I do drinking at a bar — more so if I include the time I spend in bar bathrooms not urinating, if you know what I mean (wink-wink). Seriously, I have a bladder like a gerbil.
So, anyways, when I’m in the middle of one of my marathon 2 minute sissies all I have to look at, other than my enormous manhood or the slightly less-than enormous manhood of the guy next to me, is those annoyingly cheesy 8.5″x11″ ads they put up on the wall above the urinal. I’m usually pretty trashed, so what goes through my head while I’m looking at these things is “Oh my god, Becky, these ads are so hilariously bad. I’m going to try to take a picture of these mistakes of targeted advertising with my camera phone without splashing urine everywhere and then post them on my flickrfacespacebookjournal.com account tomorrow when I wake up. Then, my friends friend people who were dumb enough to add me as a friend will see how motherfucking funny I am. And then, they will love me.”
What actually happens, however, is I wake up in the afternoon, upload the pictures, and realize, of the ones that aren’t totally blurry, I can’t remember why most of them were funny. Of all the pictures I take, about 1% maybe end up getting posted anywhere. Oh, and no one finds them funny. So, what I’m going to do now is post some of the rejects and try to figure out why I thought they were funny. This should go over really well.
Continue reading ‘Urinal Advertising’
I recently installed Google Analytics on my blog and one of its features is the ability to find out what search terms people used on Google to find your site. What a wonderful world we live in where the Number 2 most frequently searched phrase that gets people to my blog is “animated humping”
Continue reading ‘A gallery of animated things humping other things.’
